not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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