It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
