I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
it was like eating out sand paper
people are starting to question the shark bite story
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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