The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
