wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
