I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
