Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
