His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
