my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
