Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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