Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
