Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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