I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Couch. On fire.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
