he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The best revenge is premature balding
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
