my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
