My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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