mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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