he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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