If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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