We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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