Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
