so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize