my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
operation have a gay friend backfired
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
