I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am one with the molecules
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
