Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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