You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize