he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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