You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
