Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
