My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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