if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize