hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
