i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
