Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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