i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
