You just made me feel so damn special
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize