I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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