Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
