Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
