dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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