don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
