I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
