Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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