If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
