My friends, they love my intelligence
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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