they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I checked into jail on foursquare
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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