the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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