now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
