I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
