final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
