She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
