why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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