i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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