No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
