I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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