I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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