i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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