she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
