I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
