you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
