this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
