I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
