So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
