The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
