That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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