so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
