is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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