Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
