yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
