clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize