Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
