I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
