The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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