New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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