I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
