the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
