I need help removing her.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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