you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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