all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
