You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
