Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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