So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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