his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize