Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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